50 Dollars
Earl and his wife Diane went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Diane, I'd like to ride in that stunt airplane." Diane always replied, "I know, Earl, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Earl and Diane went to the fair and Earl...
50 dollars is 50 dollars
Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.
On their 46th ...
I got 50 dollars from my mom...
She told me to take my brother to the movies, but not to bring him home before 6, so they had time to prepare his surprise birthday party.
That's the day I realized he was the favorite twin.
50 dollar lesson
I recently asked my friend’s daughter what she wanted to be when she grows
up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents,
liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were
President what would be the first thing you would do?”
Sh...
I asked my dad if I could borrow 50 dollars to buy stuff for Hanukkah...
He said "40 dollars? What do you need $30 dollars for?"
"Hey, bro, I need a 50 dollar bill."
"What? Why do you need a $50?"
"I want to buy a thimble."
"A THIMBLE?? What do you need a thimble for? And since when were you into sewing anyways?
"Thewing? I need it for my drumthet."
A man noticed another man throwing 50 dollar bills into a drain
“What are you doing?!!” He asked.
“I accidentally dropped a dollar down there” the man responded.
“So why are you throwing even more money in?”
“ There’s no way I am going to crawl down there for just a dollar”
A Chinese lawyer decides to go into the hospital business and has a sign outside of his practice that says, “GET CURED PAY 50 DOLLARS, UNCURED I PAY YOU 1000 DOLLARS”
A lawyer sees this sign and thinks it is a good way to get some money. He goes to the doctor and says, “help, I have lost my sense of taste”
the doctor says, ”OK, the Moutai will cure this”
the lawyer says, “ugh, this is kerosene”
”congrats, your sense of taste is restored. give...
A jewish boy asks his father "can i have 50 dollars?"
Dad: 40 dollars? What do you need 30 dollars for? I got 20, here's 10, gimme back 5.
An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.
One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."
The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...
Just received an e.mail stating $50 dollars to see Cardi B. live.
I'm probably not the right person to spam for these types of ransoms.
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I had the opportunity to get 50 dollars per day or 50000 dollars when I want but a virgin will die. I chose the second option. Later on, my mother calls me and tells me that my father had died due to an unknown cause.
I had the opportunity to get 50 dollars per day or 50000 dollars when I want but a virgin will die. I chose the second option. Later on, my mother calls me and tells me that my father had died due to an unknown cause.
My girlfriend told me this one
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
...
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
"I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.
"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.
"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.
"I said no way," replied the boy.
"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the ...
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A man takes a taxi in the pouring rain...
He tells the driver to head for the airport, shaking water off his hat and fanning his coat to get some more off the whole time. It is then, halfway through the drive, that he notices he's forgotten his wallet. He frantically searches his pockets, but all he finds is a 20 dollar bill.
He asks...
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Little Billy.
Teacher asks Billy, Why are you late for class today.
Billy: Sorry miss, an old lady lost a $50 dollar bill.
Teacher: Oh that's nice Billy to help look for it, did she find it?
Billy: No miss, that's why I am late, I was stood on it until she buggered off..
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A guy goes to a sex shop in Egypt
A guy goes to a sex shop in Egypt, he sees an old man standing there so he goes and asks his:
So what sort of services do you guys have here?
The old man replies: we have everything what do you want?
The man reluctantly asks: so how much for a blowj*b?
That’s 50 dollars, the old man repl...
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[NSFW] A female prostitute gives a southern man the time of his life...
When they finish the man asks "Geee Miss, how much do I owe ya?"
The prostitute replies "For you, hon? Only 20 dollars."
The southern man replies, "Well golly, miss. I thought the rate was 50 dollars."
The prostitute looks at the man, smiles and says...
"Not for you, b...
Zookeeper needs some help with the monkeys
A zookeeper says to his friend "I've got 50 dollars for you if you can bring these monkeys to the zoo for me, I'm too busy today".
The friend agrees and the zookeepers hands him the money. About an hour later the zookeeper sees his friend driving by with the monkeys in the back of his car.
...
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The joke store
A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.
To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...
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A mute man is going on a date
He realizes he's a bit of age and could use some viagra for the evening. He goes to the pharmacy and looks around but can't find it. He goes to the counter where the pharmacist asks if he can help. The man looks down towards his privates but the pharmacist doesn't understand what that means. A coupl...
Two Rabbis are walking down the street and they walk past a Catholic church advertising a $50 payout for anyone who converts that day...
The one Rabbi looks at the other and says, "I think I am going to go in there, convert, and get the 50 dollars." The other Rabbi looks at him in disbelief and says, "You must be joking! Your grandfather was a studious Rabbi in Russia, your father emigrated to this country and also became a Rabbi, an...
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Warranty?
Julia walks past a pet store and sees a for sale sign in the window. *A frog that knows cunniling*s*, ***50 dollars***, it reads.
Intrigued, she buys the frog and heads home. She takes off her underwear and sits down in front of the frog. Nothing happens. She then calls the pet store to compl...
Little Johnny was good door to door asking his neighbors if they needed any yard work done.
When he got to old man Johnson’s house the old man said “My yard doesn’t need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. I’ll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown I’ll throw in a 50 dollar bonus”.
With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got t...
A dying billionaire found a young man to inherit his fortunes.
"I have two plans for you to inherit my money, think carefully after I finish: you can take 1 million a day, until the 100th day, or I can give you 1 cent on the first day, then two cents, then..."
"I'll take the second option" The young man interrupted him.
100 days later, the young m...
A 50 year old postman is finally retiring
As he goes down his route one less time everyone showers him with gifts. A watch, a new wallet, money, a farewell card from one of children. All is well, until he comes upon his last house. When he knocks a beautiful woman, scantily clad is at the door. She pulls him in and they make love in her bed...
einstein's riddle
einstein needs to travel so he takes the plane, in the seat next to him a man looking bored is staring at the clouds, to entertain himself and make a bit of money he makes a deal with the man, einstein says with confidence : 'for every riddle you tell me that i cant answer i will give you 500 dollar...
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The glass jar
A guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar filled with money on the counter, he glances at it curiously but doesn't think much else of it, about two beers later he asks the bartender about it. The bartender tells him it's a simple game, you pay $50 to play and then you complete 3 tasks, the man gawk...
A Russian family moves to America...
...but they can't pay their rent, so the husband says to his wife, "You must go out and sell your body." The wife does and comes back two hours later. The husband asks, "How much did you make?" The wife replies, "50 dollars and 10 cents." The husband asks out of curiosity, "Who gave you the ten cent...
My daughter came home from school today.
I was taking her lunchbox out of her bag when I saw a quarter in there.
I asked her how she got it, she told me that some boys at school said they would give her a quarter per kiss she gave them.
On the inside, I was furious but remained calm to explain to her that this is wrong.
<...
A hare, turtle, and a centipede ran out of beer at a party..
Wanting to keep the party alive the tortoise hands the hare 50 dollars and says, "Here, take this to the store and buy more booze." "Wait! The hare is way too drunk to go to the store." The centipede said. The tortoise says, "I'm not gonna waste anymore time! I will go." The centipede stops the tort...
families
so a young boy was told by one of his friends that if he told adults he knows the whole truth they'll give him stuff. so he went home and told his mom i know the whole truth. the mother responded by saying " take these 20 dollars and shut up", so the next day he said the same thing to his dad his da...
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So a man walks into a pub he's never been before...
As he walks up to the bartender he sees a big jar full of 50 dollar buck bills. Wondering what the story behind it might be he asks the bartender:" Mate, what's that jar for and why does it have so much money in it."
"Well", the bartender replies with a smile "it's a challenge bet, which is ...
There were hookers talking...
Asked the one hooker the other: What do you ask from Santa Claus this year?
Oh, just 50 dollars, like always.
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The Prostitute
A prostitute is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.
She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."
He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."
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A man picks up a woman while it's raining
He then puts his hand on her leg. She says "That will cost you $50."
He then hands her the $50 dollars and begins rubbing her leg until he asks her "How much will it cost for me to make love to you?"
She replies "It will cost you $500, but on my conditions."
Excited, the man pul...
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As a child I was told there's a monster under my bed.
As an adult I went to see a therapist.
"Doc I got issues, man I know it's ridiculous but I think there's a monster under my bed"
"Well young man, you have come to right place give me three months and you'll be right as new"
"What will it cost me doc?"
"Well we will have t...
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Bob had been at the bar too long
He felt nauseous and went to the restroom where he threw up. He went back to the bar and exclaimed tho the bartender that his wife was going to kill him because he had just thrown up all over the sleeve of the jacket his wife had just bought him.
The bartender says don’t Bob, don’t tell her you ...
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A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner...
"Okay, I'm looking for a pet, but I'm not sure what I want. But I know I want something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.
"Really?" says the man "I need it. How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is only $50 dollars. Ha...
Two friends have a bet over who knows more people
Two friends, Stephen and James, have an argument over who knows more people.
Stephen says: "Well, that's a freebie - I'm bowling buddies with the mayor and know more than half of the town council, and I went to university with that one girl from that soap opera."
James: "Yeah, but I bet yo...
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The bar bet
A man walks into a bar to find a bottle full of 50 dollar bills on the table. He asks the bartender what the deal is to which he replies "give me 50 dollars and I'll tell you." The man decides it's not worth it and orders a drink. After he's had a few, the man is a little tipsy and getting more a...
Bunch of guys walk into a changing room.
They’re talking and a phone starts to ring. One of the guys answers. The women on the phone says hi honey. Still at the gym with the guys. The guys says yah. How are you doing. The women says I’m doing really well. I saw the jacket I’ve been wanting for months is finally for sale. It only costs 150 ...
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